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Kathy D. Infeld Blog


Do you have what I need? Do I have what you need? Are we clear about what that is? Are you giving? Are you kind? Do you want what is best for me to grow? Are we incredibly attracted to each other (helps working through the challenges)? Do we have that special something besides all this? You can just see when two people are a match. They fit together.

Where are we in our life? Is this the time to be serious about a relationship? Is my education complete? Do I have debt? Do they have debt? Are we both in a position of paying that debt back? Is one or both of us dependent ( taking and not giving)? Are our back rounds and families compatible or do we prefer that they are not (Want something totally different)?

What about having children, career, finances, religion, sexual preferences, where live, division of labor and how you want to play? Sometimes the attraction can feel so right and some of these other factors can be good or be so wrong. No one wants to be alone. It takes strength to commit and it takes strength to walk away when it isn’t compatible.

Where are you in your relationships? I hope that you have found that special and right one. If not, this one has gotten you more ready for the right one. Blessings-Kathy



Two of the most powerful words. In a relationship we can never not offend, make a mistake, say the wrong thing- sometimes. Usually this happens because we are not connected to ourselves and are just reacting. In the past I would then beat myself up emotionally to punish myself for being thoughtless, unkind or whatever. Didn’t do that today. I said I’m sorry and it was received. I didn’t have to feel bad or stay in that bad place. I moved on and my relationship was stronger for it.

Does that ever happen to you? Do you take a quiet moment to look, ”Did I say something wrong”? None of us are perfect. It is okay. I see so many couples who don’t say they are sorry and just keep adding up the offences They are not bad people. They just haven’t learned as a child or adult you can survive if you admit to a mistake. If you are one of these, try it. The words and feeling, “I’m sorry” are magical.



I often see clients who are letting life happen to them. They are not aware of their needs. They just hope somehow that these needs will be met . Lynn Bunch underscored this fact years ago for me. I knew this but didn’t really see how powerful identifying your needs can be.It is the best way to begin to have them met.

  • I need to eat
  • I need rest
  • I need some fun and recreation
  • I need work
  • I need meaningful work
  • I need love and touch
  • I need friendship
  • I need an income
  • I need respect
  • I need to be valued
  • I need to be heard
  • I need to feel safe
  • I need a home
  • I need family

The list is specific to you as well as we all have needs.

Then there is the problem of people that I see who only know and attend to other people’s needs. It is okay for others to have needs but not for them.

Third there are those who only focus on their needs to the exclusion of others. They usually end up alone. So eventually their needs aren’t met either.

Bottom line we all have needs, it is okay to meet those needs, as well as be aware of others needs. We can all give to each other and to our self. Take charge in your life today. Make a list of your needs, how you will get them met and begin to make that happen. This really works. You deserve it and everyone around you will be happier for it too.

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