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Kathy D. Infeld Blog

BECAUSE YOU LOVED ME

I was listening to a PBS special last night when David Foster and Celine Dion were discussing all the songs that they have collaborated on. One stood out –“Because You Loved Me”.

She sang, ” You saw the best there was in me. ” Do you and your spouse look for the best in each other?

Most couples I talk to focus on what’s not the best in each other. I believe that isn’t good for a relationship. For many years now I am continually grateful for how my husband and I have supported each other, told each other the truth, not let each other play small in the world, loved each other, and looked for the best in each other.

In the beginning, I looked for what wasn’t perfect because I was afraid to let someone that close. He only started doing this because I did. I think that may be why so many couples find each other so imperfect. They are afraid of getting really close. The good news is you can stop doing that today.

When you first met, what did you love about each other? Do you remind your spouse how you feel about them still? In what ways does your partner make life feel easier, more worthwhile, supported, and cared about? If they were gone tomorrow what could you never replace? I know all these answers are in you. Give it a try and talk together today or tonight. Then when you hear that song, “Because You Loved Me”, playing , you’ll feel that way too.

 

PERSISTENCE AND LOVE IN WORKING ON YOUR RELATIONSHIP

The “Webster’s Dictionary” defines to persist as to continue steadily or firmly in some state, purpose or course of action. Persistence I believe is an essential ingredient in the recipe for a good marriage. What I have seen often as a therapist, mediator and coach is that many couples give up easily. If everything doesn’t go well, they think they just have the wrong partner.

With our changing world, needs in a relationship are increasing. Today so much is expected and wanted in a marriage. Each spouse wants in their spouse a partner, a lover, a friend, a spiritual guide, a financial partner, a coach, a co-parent, a recreation director, a sports enthusiast, fabulous in bed, home repair ,food expert, internet wizard, etc.

Whatever we want, we must be willing to give back as well. That’s THE deal that works. 100% effort on both partner’s part is what is required. One person doing more than their share won’t work. So commit today to do the work needed to have a glorious marriage. Share daily about your life, your needs and your devotion. Learn good conflict resolution tools and remember to touch often and say “I Love You” every day. The relationship you develop will be so worth it.

 

The Five C’s to a Successful Marriage

Kathy Infeld has been a psychotherapist, mediator and coach in private practice for over twenty two years and has been happily married for over thirty eight years. She says her prescription for a successful marriage is Commitment, Communication, Conflict Resolution, Cherish and Communion of Spirit.

Commitment to do what you need to do to make your relationship strong. Communication building a bridge of love and connection between you. Conflict Resolution of the differences between each of you and the identifying of wounds and needs. Cherish each other daily and create a great sex life. Communion of Spirit is the purpose, intimacy and giving back that naturally flows from a satisfying relationship.

kathydinfeldbookSo you say these Five C’s are easier said than done. Kathy agrees. She says at least this is a road map of how to get there. She shares that her husband and she never gave up when the work got hard. She urges you if times are challenging right now, to use her Five C’s to Create Love for a Lifetime. Without an agreement to do the work, nothing can be accomplished. So commit. Second, talk daily about your desire to be happy together and what you are going to do to accomplish that. Learn to resolve differences by reading, doing workshops, going to therapy . Tell each other what you mean to each other and touch each other often. It is healing , builds connection and feels so good. Lastly, create a communion of spirit between you where you see the best in each other and recognize all that you learn and mean to each other after all these years.  Kathy's book,”Creating Love For A Lifetime, The Five C’s To A Successful Marriage” is soon to be released, so please visit again and place your order.

 
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