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Kathy D. Infeld Blog

ALL WE NEED IS LOVE

imagesI see so many couples in my office who have neglected treasuring their relationship. They have success, possessions, friendships, activities, goals, plans, blogs, facebook accounts, iphones and ipads and yet find themselves feeling empty in their marriage. The Beatles sang to us ,”All We Need Is Love”. What the Beatles were talking about is that rich, nurturing and warm feeling that only love, affection, appreciation and admiration brings.

As I was writing on my facebook account this morning and reading everyone's posts, there were comments about almost everything else: moving into a new house, apartment, visiting Colorado or Las Vegas, attending the most dynamic presentation. You name it. These are all good happenings in people’s lives, but where is the love? After listening to people in my office, I want to encourage people to talk more about it.

So I am going back to my facebook post and talk about my love for my husband and all that’s good about him. Then I am going to recommend people reading my post share about their love ones too. If, ”All We Need Is Love”, then let’s celebrate and treasure it today.

 

REACHING FOR THE STARS

1266692_74961_c54230ec02_lWhen we have been discouraged during dating and had prior relationships sour, we sometimes conclude that all relationships eventually don’t work. So when you finally marry and the honeymoon period has passed, the day to day building of a marriage sometimes feels daunting. There are the conversations, clarifications, needs and requests, joys, setbacks and more. The key is knowing that all this is normal and builds the foundation for your lasting relationship.

I say this work is what helps you reach for the stars in your marriage. Reach for intimacy, warmth, self knowledge, knowing your partner, resolving of differences, identification of both of your needs, development of mutual interests, being cherished and more. Those efforts will take your relationship to a place better than you even thought was possible. Reaching for those stars.

 

Mommy, Daddy, I Need You

My heart breaks when I meet with couples who have let their relationship become only kid focused and their marriage has unraveled. The greatest gift a parent can give to a child is a secure home with parents who love each other. That way they can have both parents with them every day. No young child is ever going to say ,”Mommy and Daddy why don’t you go out and have some time alone without us.” Yet what would be good for them is just that.

A healthy love and connection between parents is reassuring to a child. Have you ever watched children as they spy on their parents kissing in the other room. They squeal with delight. So it’s up to us adults to remember. Every day ask yourselves, Am I and my spouse connecting? Do we feel close? Is there something we need to discuss? Have I told her how beautiful or how much you mean to me? Have I shared the special things he does that excite me?” Do we touch? Do we show that we care and understand? Have we said,” not now honey, mommy and Daddy are talking?”

As much as my husband and I knew to keep our flame alive, when we had a four year old and a one year old we fell into bed exhausted at night. Most couples do. Since we didn’t have relatives close by to help us, we made sure that we found good, safe and reliable childcare so that we could remember why we got married in the first place. Children are a joy and too much of any good thing is wearing. Relationships need attention every day and sexuality is so important to keep alive between you.

My prescription for keeping your flame alive through the child rearing years is Commitment to do all you need to do to take care of your marriage in the easy times and the challenging times. Communication so the love can flow between you. Conflict resolution so that you can resolve natural differences, meet your needs and heal issues you carried into the relationship. Cherish to stoke the flames of love, appreciation and passion. And lastly, Communion of spirit created through every phase , decade, and growth in your relationship.Remember…

“Not now honey, Mommy and Daddy are hugging.”

 
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