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Kathy D. Infeld Blog

FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION

swimmer A client recently told me that a major sales approach is ”Failure is not an option”. I recommend this in couples therapy too. The end result has to come from commitment to do all that you can do to grow and understand how to make a relationship work.

This includes looking at yourself and your sensitivities or wounds from the past, what you have been taught growing up in your family, cultural and environmental influences, and your knowledge of what is required to grow a good relationship. Then you can learn how to interact better together.

I say that my five C’s to a successful marriage, Commitment, Communication, Conflict Resolution, Cherish, and Communion of Spirit all start with “Commitment-The willingness and dedication to work on your relationship and to create the kind of marriage that will enhance your life and the life of your spouse.”, a quote from my book, “Creating Love For A Lifetime”.

In my own marriage my husband and I have worked through the years with “Failure is not an option” because we never wanted to go through the excruciating pain of divorce. We didn’t want the excruciating pain of a bad relationship either. We learned to look at ourselves instead of just pointing fingers at each other. We did couples therapy, workshops, spiritual growth and read countless books on successful marriage.

After all, how could a couples therapist not try hard at her own marriage? Both partners have to be willing to do the learning and practice and enjoy the results. When it gets challenging in the middle of the growing, don’t give up. Come from “Failure is not an option”. You will be glad you did.

MISUNDERSTANDING

Misunderstanding is coming up all around me. When something like that happens, I know that I need to write to regain understanding within myself.

Clients in my office are misunderstanding each other. One spouse has a good idea about something to do for their spouse when it really represented a need that she had instead. He told her that he didn’t want or need that action at all. He had been rigid and non communicative with her and missed the opportunity to talk the experience through to avoid the upset. Of course we worked it through in my office, but my job was also to teach them how to do that at home as well.

In my own life cell phone companies are saying one thing to me and leaving other charges out when they suggest their cost. Did I not hear them correctly? Am I looking at what am I not asking? What are they not telling me? What are we both not clarifying? Most of all I am recognizing that I can only change what I do to accomplish clarity in my life. I can ask. I can question details. I can disagree. If they withhold the information, I note that. I can request negotiation and discussion. If I am in a business or personal relationship where they won’t negotiate, discuss and maybe even problem solve, maybe I am in the wrong relationship and this one needs to end.

Where in your life, your committed relationship, and other relationships are you experiencing misunderstanding? Are you ignoring this? Are you numb about it? Are you asking the hard questions without blame and condemnation. Are you willing to negotiate , problem solve, and forgive if need be. After all, the only person that you can require to find clarity is you.

Here is to clarity in all our lives. Blessings and fun-Kathy

THAT SMALL VOICE WITHIN

This is a subject that I haven’t talked about before . It t is about a tool that I have used for years. When you are in doubt about the way to approach, speak, feel, act with your spouse, do you ever check inside for an answer? So often we look outside ourselves for the answers and they already were inside us. An example might be taking a minute to look inside for whether this is a good time to talk about something important. Or maybe is this a good time to attempt to resolve a disagreement between you. I always get an answer if I take the time to be aware and ask. When I go against my natural knowing and the answer, it never seems to work well. We all can be willful and want to just do it our way. We all have free will.

Here is how you could try it if you haven’t already tried.

First recognize a question you have about relating to your spouse.

Second take a deep breath and ask yourself this question silently inside.

Third listen for the answer (it can be a yes or no in sound, visual or natural knowing)

Lastly decide what you are going to do with the answer.

In conclusion I would like to mention that some people believe that the voice is Spirit, or the voice is our natural intelligence and knowing , or whatever you may believe it is. What I know for sure is that it exists and is an invaluable tool I use whenever I remember to do so. I wish I would remember all the time. Good luck with finding your small voice within. I would love to hear from you about how it went .

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