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Kathy D. Infeld Blog


When we marry, we bring all of our history with us and our partner does too. Maybe we had a great childhood, maybe it wasn’t perfect. As adults we say it was great, even if it wasn’t. Maybe you never felt special to your parents, maybe they preferred your sibling or because they made you special, your sibling resented you. Maybe your family just got by financially, or if they had plenty, only thought what mattered was money. Maybe you were sick as a child or just skinny or fat and took a lot of kidding .The things that aren’t perfect are just the truth. At the same time, many things growing up were wonderful even if some of them didn’t happen with your family. Examples could be good friends, activities like church, sports, scouts, neighborhoods, school and even community. Some things hurt you, and some things made you strong. Life just includes it all.

So you go to college, or not, and you eventually are looking for someone to love. Little do we all know that we are looking for someone to love us whole. To love us so that no matter what happens, we can handle it and not think we are not strong enough, good enough, smart enough, loveable enough or something else to not get through it., and they are looking for this too. My marriage did that for me. That’s the mark of a good marriage for both partners. One day you wake up and you know that you are whole. Maybe this hasn’t happened for you in your first or second marriage. If you get the right person for you and do the work, it can happen.



Will you still love me if I tell you the truth? Most people dating show their best selves. They even sometimes believe their act.

But we all know everyone has their sensitivities and hurts from the past. Now I’m not saying we all are emotional cripples. I’m just saying that mean teacher or emotionally absent parent had an effect on us. How that translates is maybe we need someone to take extra care to be kind in their communications with us, Or we need a partner who likes togetherness as much as us.

The truth is we often choose someone just like these disappointing people because how they behave feels familiar. If we do an honest inventory of our years before meeting this prospective partner, we can identify exactly what we are needing most.



We all want to be loved. So why are there so many of us not feeling it? Well there are steps to the process, but many people are in too much of a hurry and ignore the red flags in relationship. They want to feel the love. They forget that the pain and wounds that can result, make it all the harder to try again.

So first get clear what you require in a relationship. Come up with no more than five things. There can be many things that you would prefer or like but these are must have’s. Some examples might be:


•  No abuse of alcohol or drugs

•  Monogamy Who I am is valued

•  Independence

•  Worshipping together

•  Financially responsible

•  Many mutual interests etc.


Make your list today. It acts like a map to finding the right mate. Remember only five.



Remember the phrase ”When someone shows you who they are, believe it”. That takes watching and listening and noting what you see and hear. Are they nice to their friends and relatives, is their family “different” (dysfunctional or functional), are they affectionate, are they appreciative, do they treat you like you matter and are valuable, do they pay their bills, have they been married before and why did it end, what did they learn from this, would they be willing to see a couples counselor if you went through hard times? I could give so many more examples but let this get you started Next. Look at are you ready for a relationship or is it just a popular idea? We will talk more on this subject but for now I have given you a lot to think about and an assignment to discover your five requirements for your relationship. Follow my future blogs. After all, my business is love and I’ve studied, practiced professionally and personally for my lifetime. I’ll share all that I know.

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