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Kathy D. Infeld Blog


Have you ever felt hurt or slighted when your spouse didn’t come home right away, and you hadn’t told them directly that you would like that?

Have you said something to your partner and they completely got the wrong interpretation of what you meant?

First spouses know their partner well enough that this doesn’t happen as often as with people we don’t know as well, but we all want harmony and good will at home. So what can you do to prevent this misunderstanding from happening? Well first harness your thoughts. Worry is not fact. We can make up all kinds of problems that most of the time will never happen. There is the classic “I didn’t know if you had been in an accident”. With texting and cell phones, we seldom can’t reach our partner. Allowing a few minutes to respond is only natural.

Second check out old sensitivies from past experiences. The partner whose first husband cheated on them often will admit to needing reassurance when schedules change. Owning our insecurities with our partner and how we developed them will only promote more emotional intimacy between you and your partner. Asking for understanding and receiving it will often lead to a healing of these earlier upsets.

Third if you do “lose it” with your loved one, breath and give up any defensiveness and say you are sorry. They are magic words. Many of you have not heard those words growing up and this is a new experience. It will get easier with practice.

You all don’t want to fight and especially over misunderstandings. These are the needless dramas. Life has enough real challenges without us making them up.




A common method of persuasion or manipulation is to say over and over what a person wants when their partner doesn’t agree. Maybe some people have learned to use this method out of their perceived powerlessness or that was the way people approach getting what they wanted in their family. So does this method work? I say no. It will eventually lead to conflict once the “nagged” partner notices what is taking place. This same spouse can achieve so much more by asking directly for what you want and most of all what you need. They may “cave in” for a period of time, but they will ultimately build resentment. The only approach that works is asking directly for what you want and being interested in what your partner needs too. Then you together can decide what you will do in partnership



We can ruminate about what we should have done, what we should do in the future, or we can work on creating it now. What I am talking about is love and partnership in your life. Maybe you didn’t have good role models, were desperate to be loved, had some pop culture ideas that backfired on you, or you just made a poor match. I invite you to move on and create the love of your life now.


What are the most important characteristics that you require in a life partner?

When you meet this someone, what are their most important requirements they have for you? Ask.

Okay you have a good match on characteristics. Now are you both willing to do all the work, fun, communicating, conflict resolution, cherishing that is needed? Both of you need to be willing.

I often explain to singles that if your timing of being ready to do all of this is off, then they are probably not the right one. It’s a woo woo thing but I have found in my experience that timing is everything. I am sure that they are a great guy or gal,but not the one for your match. (Being ready to get into a serious relationship, finances, education, family etc.)

Be ready to look at yourself and your past and how that has shaped your relationship skills. Are you defensive because you were teased your whole childhood? Are you afraid of sex? Do you have unrealistic expectations of a partner? Do you give too much? How are both of your boundaries?

Remember that you do not have to have self love all figured out to have a great relationship. Some of that continues to evolve by being loved. Enjoy your journey.

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