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Kathy D. Infeld Blog

Sex Must Be A gift from god

I grew up in New England and was taught very traditional views on sexuality. Once I became sexually active, I was clear that sex is a gift from god. Regardless of what I was taught, I thought how could anything that feels so good be wrong? Yet I am not sorry that I took my time choosing the right partner to discover the “joy” with.

This blog is a reminder to take good care of your sexuality with your partner. It is a gift to the relationship. We can be close to friends, relatives and coworkers but we can’t have sex with them. At least not if we are keeping good boundaries. The privilege of the committed relationship is that you get to have sex with your significant other too.

So what does take care of the sexual relationship mean? It means make room for sex on a regular basis regardless of your busy schedules. When you first met you could hardly take your hands off each other. It felt so good to become as one. Then at some point it all can start to feel so familiar. That’s when you need to work on keeping it fresh, new and loving. “Oh all right let’s do it” doesn’t cut it. Sometimes though when the kids are just asleep, “let’s go” is a good idea. I say don’t let time pass you by. Sexuality needs to be nurtured and practiced to stay alive.

Have some fun with each other. Talk about what feels good to each of you. Talk about what you like and what you’ve been wanting to try. Read great books on the subject. Maybe your partner loves sexuality in nature. Try camping as soon as possible. Maybe you both like setting the mood with candles and a bath. If you put interest, and effort and energy into your sex life, it will reward you tenfold. Remember it’s a gift.



As I go around talking to women about sex, they are interested but very private. I get that. Look at me writing about women and sex this many years into my life. Married 42 years, two grown children, countless pelvic exams, 30 years as a therapist and finally wanting to have this conversation with anyone who will listen.

My upbringing denied me an education of the “Joys of Sex”. Life has provided this and I always have more boundaries to push back on. This can’t just be my story. Please anonymously join me in this conversation. We women have so much to learn and support to gain from each other. All the factors that have moved sexuality forward and back need airing. Most of all I believe that women still don’t feel permission or the freedom to have their desires fulfilled.

Join me as we discuss the joys and hang ups as we go. I look forward to your blog posts.



Most women have grown up with the Puritanical influence in our country regarding sex and women. Even if you are 20 or less, our society still is sending subtle messages.

"Good girls don’t, fun girls do","look at what they want".

They’re not worrying if you are enjoying it or feeling fulfilled. Women are shamed by their more uptight mothers and that shame has an effect. Women need to be discussing sex with all age groups of women so we all can heal and expand into full sexual expression. These blogs are for girls only. My bias is that it is time for women to lead on this one.

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