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Who would have thought that a gal who went to twelve years of Catholic school and had a mother who reinforced all these teachings on sex and marriage would be writing this blog? After forty years married, two grown children, the sexual revolution ,the feminist movement, and over twenty four years of working with couples and their sexual issues, I am on a mission for couples to speak up and have their needs for sex, intimacy, trust and joy be met throughout their marriage.

To be fully actualized, expressive and loving human beings we need to embrace our sexuality. Puritanical roots here in this country have in the past gotten in the way of those goals for all of us. Sex wasn’t talked about by our parents and elders, sex wasn’t normalized as a part of everyday life. Sex wasn’t even acknowledged as one of the great perks of a happy marriage. It just plain wasn’t talked about. Now we have sex in every sitcom, music video, movie, magazine, internet and you name it. We still don’t have normalized sexual ideas as we have gone from forbidden or hidden to over exposure. Teens come into my office all the time having sex by at least 14 because they want to know what all the hype is about if they had had open loving adults to educate them of the nature, intimacy, physical process of arousal and climax, self exploration and pleasure this gift has to give us, maybe they would have waited until they were emotionally, psychologically and physically ready for good sexual experience.

The only way that we can begin to change our Puritanical ways is to talk a different talk about this sometimes underrated or overrated part of our lives. To think that only sex is important or to deny sex’s importance in a relationship both are detrimental to a successful marriage. Read books, take workshops, listen to experts, talk among your close friends. Push your boundaries, experiment, make love and be open to what you don’t know. I can’t believe that God would give us such a beautiful gift and then turn around and forbid it. I admire the more open views on sex that I have experienced in many other countries. So I know that those Puritans really did a job on us. It is time to forgive them, move on and open our-selves up to the joys of sex and it’s wonderful contribution to a good life and marriage.