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HEALING IT FORWARD

A committed relationship is one of the very best places within which to heal. You get to know each other closely and hopefully learn to accept each others strengths and weaknesses. As you grow, your partner can be there to support and cheer you on, and you can cheer them on too. That’s how it works when it goes well.

Well often it goes like this instead, "I didn’t know that you do that!”, “Why do you have to feel that way?”, “I never saw or heard that before we got married.” We all have many positive qualities. The person who most often is self critical of you is you. As your fears and shortcomings start to show themselves, your partner may vote on their effectiveness too. Most of our less than ideal habits and self sabotage have been learned in our growing up years. They may have been attitudes taught by family members, school officials, neighborhood children, religious groups, sport teams etc. Where ever you learned any self deprecating, self sabotaging, or destructive habits, it is time to heal those habits forward.

Maybe those who taught you to act that way did the best they knew how, or maybe they didn’t. Get in touch with your anger and release in a healthy way. (There is much literature on this subject. Email me if you need some good resources.) Then further heal by forgiving yourself and your perpetrators. Share this healing process with your spouse. People may hide these challenges for fear that their partner will reject them or be ashamed. In fact the healing and revealing can make you even closer. This is some of the important work of partnership. If you don’t heal these wounds, you may continue to teach your children and then their children the same negative patterns.

As you and your spouse heal your past, you can ”Heal it forward”. Your children and your children’s children won’t have to be damaged by self deprecating, self sabotaging, or negative ways of looking at life that you have now released from your past . This legacy of “Healing it forward” can effect generations of your family to come. What a legacy.