My husband and I have been married for 39 years. Through these years we have shared many similar interests, and some different ones. Recently we appear to be going through a periodic shuffle where we are not enjoying the same things as much. Now that he uses a trainer three times a week and works a heavy schedule, our frequents walks aren’t as frequent. My book activities keep me busy with promotion activities and less time hanging out with friends with him. We still feel very connected but finding activities we are both wild about doing together isn’t jelling as much.

The biggest change I see is our lack of tolerance or politeness about what TV we watch. I get nightmares from his favorites and he goes to sleep watching mine. We are having trouble finding TV downtime to relax for an hour in the evening together. We no longer have the excuse that there are children at home who can’t watch such violence or stomach the woman shows, and many of our favorites from the past no longer play. We both have started searching PBS, the BBC and HBO for spectacular quality (but note that was where even more extreme violence showed up). Don’t get me wrong, we have activities, meetings etc. in our life, but everyone needs a good TV show to resort to when you want to just chill after a full day.

Finally I realized that I had not been sharing my husband’s search for what we could watch and enjoy together. Of course he was finding what he liked and assumed that I would too. If we both were going to like it, we needed to both put effort in. I have now found over fifteen series where no serial killers are on the scene. Yeh! He is not sure that he is going to like these news finds, but I am sure together that we will find some that we do. After all, we have found that through the years of a committed relationship similar interests and things you share can ebb and flow. What is important is to recognize that this is happening and to both do the work to find connection as well as independence ongoingly.