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When I ask some couples to look at what they need in their relationship and to ask for that, they often tell me, ”Oh that is selfish and self centered” and not okay. They have been taught to put others needs before theirs and only serve others. There is nothing wrong with serving others, but if your needs aren’t met in your marriage, you may become yet another divorce statistic.

Needs are funny things. They don’t go away if they are ignored. Resentment silently builds until the day that one or the other of you says”, I quit.” You may hear yourself or your partner say,” I have been starving for…...…in this relationship and I can’t anymore”. That is why it is important to know that needs aren’t bad.

Needs for attention, touch, approval, acceptance, love, sex, companionship, conversation, stimulation, financial freedom, children, spiritual expression, etc. I can name so many. Partner’s needs may be very similar and some very different. That is why I want you to look inside and come up with those needs that you require to be happy and successful in a marriage and share them with your partner. Of course some of them will require compromise and some just can’t be compromised. That can be where marriages fail.

So the next time when you recognize a need you have in your relationship, go ahead and get that core need worked out with your partner. You both will have time to give to others and be happier for getting what you need too.