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This week my husband and I are married 39 years. I am so moved. These 39 years together have included so many experiences, growth, learning, fun, challenges, and blessings. I am so grateful that we get to experience this together.

We are two still in love, devoted, happy and satisfied grownups who met long ago at the campus bar. Neither of us were big drinkers. It just was the best place for us to meet members of the opposite sex with similar dreams at the time. Single clients in my office often ask me where is a good place to find good prospective partners. I am not even sure that there is a special place. I ascribe to the belief that we are destined to meet the right partner when we are truly ready spirit, mind, and body.

Finding the right mate takes preparation. It requires getting to know yourself and your needs . It takes doing what you want to accomplish before you are ready to do the work of partnering. For some this is when they are very young. For others it is years after schooling and career development. The next big ingredient is that you both are willing to work on your relationship and are open to help when you need it.

If Bob and I weren’t able to ask for help, we would never have made it as a couple. I was driving up North this week and met a gal at lunch who announced that she would be married 45 years next week. She topped us. When we shared about our couple history ,there were so many coincidences such as how they were at odds after only the first two years of marriage, found a good therapist to get back on track , and remain best friends still today.

Not all couple stories are so happy. Today there are many more tools, books, workshops, therapists, coaches, and even TV shows to guide you. I believe that we don’t have to have this high a divorce rate. Do the work on yourself and with your partner. It really works. Then you too will have your profound experience.