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Most people think that sex in a marriage is good only for the first few years. I disagree. I think good sex over the lifetime of a marriage takes focus and making it a priority. All the research says that women not only need visual stimulation (like seeing her husband’s muscles in the nude) but also emotional, spiritual and psychological attraction as well. Although men are very visual and have testosterone, many men tell me that they want this closeness too. Where else can both a woman and a man or a same sex couple better find relationship, trust, safety, emotional connection, with sexual attraction? Over the years the intensity of sexual energy may calm but the satisfaction of being loved, touched and cherished over time  adds a special ingredient to the experience.

What I think is so important is that partners make sure that they don’t let the busyness of life get in the way of their regular sexual encounters. The national average is once or twice a week. I have had clients who are astounded at this. They say that is too little or they think too much. I say please make sure that you are at least keeping up with the national average to maintain a healthy sex life with your committed partner. Also make sure you and your partner are talking about what you want and need and negotiate something you both can live with.

Then there are the physical problems like infections, illness, medications, birth control that can cause temporary interruptions or at least challenges. This can happen even at an early stage of the marriage . I say take care of the health issues and work it out as a team. Working together on these challenges makes both partners feel safe and supported. Keeping sexuality going in a marriage feeds the body and the soul of the relationship and the individual. Kindness on the part of the partner is key to resolving those sexual health issues.

Whether you are a newly married couple having great sex or uptight about your body image and comfort with it all, or married for many years , now less inhibited and want sensuality to be an active part of your relationship, work with each other to make this a delightful experience. Men have that very strong hormone called testerone and women have a less strong hormone called estrogen. The levels of these hormones can vary in each person . So you even can have partners with opposite drive. Lastly I recommend that if you are the man, never forget to woo her, and I say women  never forget to woo your man. That way hormones , won’t be the only thing driving your wonderful sexual relationship. Enjoy!