My heart breaks when I meet with couples who have let their relationship become only kid focused and their marriage has unraveled. The greatest gift a parent can give to a child is a secure home with parents who love each other. That way they can have both parents with them every day. No young child is ever going to say ,”Mommy and Daddy why don’t you go out and have some time alone without us.” Yet what would be good for them is just that.

A healthy love and connection between parents is reassuring to a child. Have you ever watched children as they spy on their parents kissing in the other room. They squeal with delight. So it’s up to us adults to remember. Every day ask yourselves, Am I and my spouse connecting? Do we feel close? Is there something we need to discuss? Have I told her how beautiful or how much you mean to me? Have I shared the special things he does that excite me?” Do we touch? Do we show that we care and understand? Have we said,” not now honey, mommy and Daddy are talking?”

As much as my husband and I knew to keep our flame alive, when we had a four year old and a one year old we fell into bed exhausted at night. Most couples do. Since we didn’t have relatives close by to help us, we made sure that we found good, safe and reliable childcare so that we could remember why we got married in the first place. Children are a joy and too much of any good thing is wearing. Relationships need attention every day and sexuality is so important to keep alive between you.

My prescription for keeping your flame alive through the child rearing years is Commitment to do all you need to do to take care of your marriage in the easy times and the challenging times. Communication so the love can flow between you. Conflict resolution so that you can resolve natural differences, meet your needs and heal issues you carried into the relationship. Cherish to stoke the flames of love, appreciation and passion. And lastly, Communion of spirit created through every phase , decade, and growth in your relationship.Remember…

“Not now honey, Mommy and Daddy are hugging.”