Many couples that  I see in counseling learn a lot about themselves as individuals and as a partner in a relationship. That self knowledge allows them to see more clearly their needs and wounds from the past  and to do something about healing and creating their hearts desire in their marriage.

We design a plan together for how they will improve their relationship. Most couples comply with the plan since they asked for one in the first place. Occasionally one partner won’t. They may try the new behaviors for a while and eventually slip back into their old dysfunctional ways. They come back to see me a few years later right back where we started.

The lesson that I try to impart is that spouses will only wait so long for you to be willing to do what works. If your behaviors sabotage your happiness and the happiness of your partner, they may not keep giving you another try. Sticking with the plan for a more functional and happy relationship can include some adjustments that may help you feel more comfortable with the changes.  Bottom line though, I recommend that you stick with the plan the first time around.