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What am I talking about?  Well a little known secret is that over time, the closeness and intimacy of a committed relationship triggers our old wounds. The single parent who worked three jobs to keep you clothed and fed left you feeling that you didn’t have enough attention. The big brother who had fist fights with you each morning before school rendered you feeling rejected and powerless in your own home. The young teen in middle school who made fun of your braces or small breasts made you feel unattractive and unwanted. Then you arrive in your marriage and when your spouse is upset, he or she verbally bullies you, or your wife pays no attention to you now that the children have been born, or your spouse doesn’t compliment or tell you nice things. You feel the old hurts again. These actions by your spouse feel like the old rejection, pain, and emptiness.

The good news is this triggering of old wounds makes you aware of them so that you can do something to heal them. You begin to speak up and ask for more attention and time with your spouse. You let your spouse know that when they speak to you that way, it hurts your feelings. You make a pact with your spouse to let each other know how attractive you are to each other. There are so many ways that the individual can grow and heal and learn to accept and love themselves more in the relationship when each spouse will work these issues through. The work isn’t easy but when LOVE HURTS, LOVE can also HEAL.