I woke up with the thought how my relationship and everyone’s married relationship I see in my private practice and private life are built to success or failure one day at a time. It’s like we need to remember to make a daily deposit into our relationship’s savings account to build up to a full relationship or not over time. As a newly married couple there are the experiences together, the growing to be committed to our spouse first and making the healthy separation from our family, the mutual goals and needs discussed and worked out, the expectations we need to adjust, the joyful gifts like new babies and houses to build a life in and on and on. Besides these bookmarks of a relationship there need to be daily deposits into the emotional life of a relationship.

Some examples are “I love you and let me show you, remembering to keep each other informed of how your life apart is, asking for feedback and ideas, touching and making love frequently, connecting as friends as well as lovers, supporting and discussing each other’s dreams. It can be so easy to just be too tired and not bother to connect each day. I say don’t miss one deposit. Each day can add up to so much more together. Last night I came home from a great and rewarding meeting after a full day of work.

My husband and I connected verbally but we had no sitting, touching, just being together before going to sleep. I was exhausted. When I awoke early before he left for the office, I rubbed his back and we connected for the few minutes before he had to dart off to get dressed.

We didn’t miss a day.